TODAY IS A SOMEWHAT BETTER DAY

 even know I am broke ... well I have six dollars in my pocket...  and needing so many things in the grocery division just to get me through to Oct 31.  but it is ok, I know that I do not need to worry about today or even tomorrow because God will meet my needs.

It still bothers me about my dad, if he even knows about me asking him for help.  I am most sure that my sister did not relay the message.  It was 20.00 dollars.  It would have been different if it had been a lot more.

This has really bother me, and I am trying to just overlook it and go on with life.

I still am missing my mom...  it is just hard to explain in words just how much.

Blessings to all.

Yesterday brought more tears

you see tears have been falling for sometime now.  yesterday, I learned that my dad ( who is still living ) made my youngest sister power of attorney over him and has left everything that he has to her.  everything that was my moms and his is now in the hands of my sister.

When my grandmother died, this happen to my mother.  her brother underhanded her and made a new will that would leave what was supposed to be my moms to the only grandson in the family.  I only received a bowl with my name on it and a few pans and dishcloths.  Well I know there was more stuff, so where did it go, my grandmother and I shared the loved of cookbooks, but I did not get a one of them.

now it is happening all over again with my mom.  yes my sister did not work and was able to stay with her when she was ill.  My sister was not the best caretaker.  I had to work, it is the only income my family has.  Am I being punished because I have to work.  I just don't understand how your own family can stab you in the back.

but it happens and it is happening AGAIN

Another Monday.....

just like all other Mondays since Jan. 30, 2016.  Another day without my mom.  I really miss her.  I don't have any other person that I can confide in like my mom.  She understood me.  I know that I am 49 years old, but a girl always needs her mom.  I let her down over the past few years, but she never let me down.  I guess the sorrieness of my actions are getting the best of me.  I hope that it passes soon and I can let it go.  Right now it is not working.  I am having to leave it in God's hand.

OH!!!! How I miss my mom.......

I cant begin to tell you how much I miss my mom.  I just want to hear her voice telling me that everything is ok and wrap her arms around me to let me know that we will make it in this world.

I saw my mom go through good times and bad times in her life.  I was not there for her in the end and the quilt is so overbearing for me, because she was always there for me without question.

It seems to bother me the most, when I am going through trying times.  She was my rock.  I could always depend on her.  Now I don't have anyone on this earth to be there for me like she was.  I can only trust in God to be there for me now.  Through a song on the radio this morning, I know God was telling me to lean on him.  The song playing was Lean on Me.  I have friends, but they don't understand like my mother did.

I just wish I could see her just one more time and I just wish I had someone to fix my problems.

My mom could not fix all my problems, but she was there willing to help me in some way.

I miss you Mom and I loved you with all my heart.

Tracy

JANUARY 30, 2016..... will be a date forever etched in my heart.... you see my mom went to heaven that day

Yes....My mom is an angel now.  She left this earth on January 30, 2016 around noon time.  I cried and cried just because she is my mom.  I now feel that I have a void on my heart.  I am standing on my faith to get through this sadness, because I know that my mom is a lot better off than I am.

That does not keep me from missing her.  I miss her.  I don't have any grandmothers on earth either. I feel like I don't have anyone now that I am close to or that understands me when I need to talk to them.  My heart hurts.  Please keep me in your prayers.

HOLDING ON TO JESUS

Holding on to Jesus... yes that is my goal.  I am very tired of the way life if going right now.  I am tired of work, I am tired of home life, I am just tired of everything.  I am tired of dealing with land issues, sick of the holidays, tired of being without money.  At least I can get it out of my system on here because no ones reads it anyway.  I am tired of not have a dependable car that can get me where I need to go without using 2 quarts every four days. I am tired of not having a stove so I can cook.  I am tired of my refrigerator not working correctly.  I am tired of family not including me on things that are important.  I am tired of family not checking on you to see if you might need to go anywhere.  Tired of not having enough money for food and tired of not being able to provide what I need to for my son.  I hope that soon things will turn around for the good..... right now I am holding onto Jesus's hand so that he can guide me through these everyday struggles of life, because without him, I just assume crawl under a rock and stay there.

My Christmas List.... Please Santa fill my list.... my stove and refrigerator is not working and I just need a better vehicle