TODAY IS A SOMEWHAT BETTER DAY

 even know I am broke ... well I have six dollars in my pocket...  and needing so many things in the grocery division just to get me through to Oct 31.  but it is ok, I know that I do not need to worry about today or even tomorrow because God will meet my needs.

It still bothers me about my dad, if he even knows about me asking him for help.  I am most sure that my sister did not relay the message.  It was 20.00 dollars.  It would have been different if it had been a lot more.

This has really bother me, and I am trying to just overlook it and go on with life.

I still am missing my mom...  it is just hard to explain in words just how much.

Blessings to all.

Yesterday brought more tears

you see tears have been falling for sometime now.  yesterday, I learned that my dad ( who is still living ) made my youngest sister power of attorney over him and has left everything that he has to her.  everything that was my moms and his is now in the hands of my sister.

When my grandmother died, this happen to my mother.  her brother underhanded her and made a new will that would leave what was supposed to be my moms to the only grandson in the family.  I only received a bowl with my name on it and a few pans and dishcloths.  Well I know there was more stuff, so where did it go, my grandmother and I shared the loved of cookbooks, but I did not get a one of them.

now it is happening all over again with my mom.  yes my sister did not work and was able to stay with her when she was ill.  My sister was not the best caretaker.  I had to work, it is the only income my family has.  Am I being punished because I have to work.  I just don't understand how your own family can stab you in the back.

but it happens and it is happening AGAIN

Another Monday.....

just like all other Mondays since Jan. 30, 2016.  Another day without my mom.  I really miss her.  I don't have any other person that I can confide in like my mom.  She understood me.  I know that I am 49 years old, but a girl always needs her mom.  I let her down over the past few years, but she never let me down.  I guess the sorrieness of my actions are getting the best of me.  I hope that it passes soon and I can let it go.  Right now it is not working.  I am having to leave it in God's hand.

OH!!!! How I miss my mom.......

I cant begin to tell you how much I miss my mom.  I just want to hear her voice telling me that everything is ok and wrap her arms around me to let me know that we will make it in this world.

I saw my mom go through good times and bad times in her life.  I was not there for her in the end and the quilt is so overbearing for me, because she was always there for me without question.

It seems to bother me the most, when I am going through trying times.  She was my rock.  I could always depend on her.  Now I don't have anyone on this earth to be there for me like she was.  I can only trust in God to be there for me now.  Through a song on the radio this morning, I know God was telling me to lean on him.  The song playing was Lean on Me.  I have friends, but they don't understand like my mother did.

I just wish I could see her just one more time and I just wish I had someone to fix my problems.

My mom could not fix all my problems, but she was there willing to help me in some way.

I miss you Mom and I loved you with all my heart.

Tracy

JANUARY 30, 2016..... will be a date forever etched in my heart.... you see my mom went to heaven that day

Yes....My mom is an angel now.  She left this earth on January 30, 2016 around noon time.  I cried and cried just because she is my mom.  I now feel that I have a void on my heart.  I am standing on my faith to get through this sadness, because I know that my mom is a lot better off than I am.

That does not keep me from missing her.  I miss her.  I don't have any grandmothers on earth either. I feel like I don't have anyone now that I am close to or that understands me when I need to talk to them.  My heart hurts.  Please keep me in your prayers.

HOLDING ON TO JESUS

Holding on to Jesus... yes that is my goal.  I am very tired of the way life if going right now.  I am tired of work, I am tired of home life, I am just tired of everything.  I am tired of dealing with land issues, sick of the holidays, tired of being without money.  At least I can get it out of my system on here because no ones reads it anyway.  I am tired of not have a dependable car that can get me where I need to go without using 2 quarts every four days. I am tired of not having a stove so I can cook.  I am tired of my refrigerator not working correctly.  I am tired of family not including me on things that are important.  I am tired of family not checking on you to see if you might need to go anywhere.  Tired of not having enough money for food and tired of not being able to provide what I need to for my son.  I hope that soon things will turn around for the good..... right now I am holding onto Jesus's hand so that he can guide me through these everyday struggles of life, because without him, I just assume crawl under a rock and stay there.

My Christmas List.... Please Santa fill my list.... my stove and refrigerator is not working and I just need a better vehicle

My life as a punching bag where words are throwing the punches

Words... yes words.  They can make or break you.  Words of wisdom, words of kindness, words of encouragement, words of love.  Those are the words that we all want to hear.  Words of the Bible,
now those are the words that reach through the thickness of your heart and allow love from God fill you heart and soul.

Words from human beings are the ones that cut through you like a knife.  It only takes one word from someone that can really knock you to your knees. It is not only adults that deliver these punching words but children do to.  As a mother, my child can throw some pretty good words sometimes, but the ones that hurt me the most comes from the other adult in my house.

It seems that these words are always used when things are not going their way, or when they get mad about something.  I am always the punching bag that catches these words.  Words of hate, words that hurt, words of make no since, words of it is all your fault, words of you doing wrong, words of why don't you do this, words of if.  Words that hurt you, words that makes you hate, words that make you wish you were all alone.  Words of stress, words of depression, words of need. 

Words... yes words.
Words of the Bible is where I put my trust.  Trust in God with all your heart, because their is no
words that mankind can offer that will comfort you as those of words of our Almighty YHWH.

My words to you,

I wish you many smiles and blessings today and everyday

Tracy

LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES....

LIFE is like a box of chocolates.... some days is filled with sweetness and others days you fill like a chocolate that has melted.

These days, I feel like the melted one.  It has been like that now for weeks.  I just can't get it together and feel depressed over situations that I cannot get a handle on.  I hope soon that I am back to the sweetness of life, because it is really is starting to affect my well being.  I am tired of melting.

Have a blessed day to who every reads this.

Tracy

I wish my Nannie was here......

Oh how I wish my grandmother was here on earth.  I know she is having a time in heaven but I really need her now.  My Nannie, would listen to my problems, give me hugs, share life experiences, show me to love God and would help me anyway she could.  I really really miss her when I need someone to talk to about lifes problems.  She would help me when I need to restock my pantry before paydays.  I am so desperately in need of a car and I know if my Nannie she would help me get the one that I have found.  I need a co-signer in order to get it and she would do it for me.  I don't have anyone else.  When my grandmother died, I lost a part of me.  My grandmother's will left me and my sisters out of it because other relatives had it fixed so it was their gain.  There were items that I so cherished that belonged to my Nannie, but I did not get any of it.  She had Christmas ornaments that I loved, she had her cookbooks that I did not even get one of,  I did get a bible that was hers and I cherish it.  It is like she has left little notes in it to help me along.  So Nannie, while you are up there running on the streets of gold, would you please stop by and visit with Jesus and God  and ask them to send me a debt free vehicle and a pantry full of groceries.  Nannie you would not believe how much Jamison has grown and how much he eats.  Tell Mamaw and Papaw Shaw hello for me and Mamaw Ingram too.  Give Pop a hug and tell JerJer and Papaw James that Jamie really misses them

Love
Tracy

Alabama Sustainable Agriculture Network

Hey Alabama and everyone else.....

  Check this site out.....  It is a fantastic site:   http://asanonline.org/


Blessings

Tracy

how time flys from k to 5th grade

We have twins... Andy and April surprises us

Betty our ewe surprised us on April 1, 2015 with twins.  Andy and April are growing fast and moves with lots of speed.  It was no April Fool's joke for us but Blessings to our farm.

The farmgirl is in need of a truck.....

Yes... I need a truck.  If only I could afford one right now.  We only have a small car and with the farm we need a truck.  I would like to have a four door one so that SweetPea can get in and out.  We also need it to haul stuff in to and fro from our other farm. 

I just ask anyone that reads my blog to lift this up in prayer that we will soon see a way to get a truck any truck used or new.

Many smiles and blessings,

Tracy

Happy National AG Day 2015

What Is Ag Day?

It's a day to recognize and celebrate the abundance provided by agriculture. Every year, producers, agricultural associations, corporations, universities, government agencies and countless others across America join together to recognize the contributions of agriculture.

When Is Ag Day?

Ag Day is celebrated on March 18, 2015. National Ag Day falls during National Ag Week, March 15-21, 2015.

Who Hosts Ag Day?

The Agriculture Council of America hosts the campaign on a national level. However, the awareness efforts in communities across America are as influential - if not more - than the broad-scale effort. Again this year, the Ag Day Planning Guide has been created to help communities and organizations more effectively host Ag Day events.

What Is Ag Day All About?

Ag Day is about recognizing - and celebrating - the contribution of agriculture in our everyday lives. The National Ag Day program encourages every American to:

• Understand how food and fiber products are produced.
• Value the essential role of agriculture in maintaining a strong economy.
• Appreciate the role agriculture plays in providing safe, abundant and affordable products.

Why Celebrate Agriculture?

Agriculture provides almost everything we eat, use and wear on a daily basis. But too few people truly understand this contribution. This is particularly the case in our schools, where students may only be exposed to agriculture if they enroll in related vocational training.
By building awareness, the Agriculture Council of America is encouraging young people to consider career opportunities in agriculture.
Each American farmer feeds more than 144 people ... a dramatic increase from 25 people in the 1960s. Quite simply, American agriculture is doing more - and doing it better. As the world population soars, there is an even greater demand for the food and fiber produced in the United States.

What Can I Do to Help?

Put simply, get involved! Your participation in Ag Day is critical in helping us spread this positive message about agriculture. If you are interested in planning an event, download your Planning Guide today. Of course, there are other ways you can lend your support, including sending a letter to your local newspaper, calling your Congressional representatives or simply sharing information about agriculture with youngsters in your community.

Where Can I Find More Information?

Contact the Agriculture Council of America at (913) 491-1895.

Our Ram - Gideon has left us.....

Wednesday brought sad news to the farm.  Our Ram - Gideon passed away.  We have had him for nine years.  He was a mean old cranky ram but he produce many beautiful lambs.  My husband promised the lady we bought him from that he would never sell him and we never did.

End of my Photography Class ... Here is my portfolio for you to enjoy

http://tracyibentley.carbonmade.com/

My Great-Grandmother Mrs. Vesta Mae Kelley Muse..... I never met her but will someday

                    I had to take a black and white picture and add color to it for a school project.

Our new ewe Daisy and the run around roosters

Abraham Lincoln once said, “The strength of a nation lies in the homes of its people.”