TODAY IS A SOMEWHAT BETTER DAY

 even know I am broke ... well I have six dollars in my pocket...  and needing so many things in the grocery division just to get me through to Oct 31.  but it is ok, I know that I do not need to worry about today or even tomorrow because God will meet my needs.

It still bothers me about my dad, if he even knows about me asking him for help.  I am most sure that my sister did not relay the message.  It was 20.00 dollars.  It would have been different if it had been a lot more.

This has really bother me, and I am trying to just overlook it and go on with life.

I still am missing my mom...  it is just hard to explain in words just how much.

Blessings to all.

Yesterday brought more tears

you see tears have been falling for sometime now.  yesterday, I learned that my dad ( who is still living ) made my youngest sister power of attorney over him and has left everything that he has to her.  everything that was my moms and his is now in the hands of my sister.

When my grandmother died, this happen to my mother.  her brother underhanded her and made a new will that would leave what was supposed to be my moms to the only grandson in the family.  I only received a bowl with my name on it and a few pans and dishcloths.  Well I know there was more stuff, so where did it go, my grandmother and I shared the loved of cookbooks, but I did not get a one of them.

now it is happening all over again with my mom.  yes my sister did not work and was able to stay with her when she was ill.  My sister was not the best caretaker.  I had to work, it is the only income my family has.  Am I being punished because I have to work.  I just don't understand how your own family can stab you in the back.

but it happens and it is happening AGAIN

Another Monday.....

just like all other Mondays since Jan. 30, 2016.  Another day without my mom.  I really miss her.  I don't have any other person that I can confide in like my mom.  She understood me.  I know that I am 49 years old, but a girl always needs her mom.  I let her down over the past few years, but she never let me down.  I guess the sorrieness of my actions are getting the best of me.  I hope that it passes soon and I can let it go.  Right now it is not working.  I am having to leave it in God's hand.

OH!!!! How I miss my mom.......

I cant begin to tell you how much I miss my mom.  I just want to hear her voice telling me that everything is ok and wrap her arms around me to let me know that we will make it in this world.

I saw my mom go through good times and bad times in her life.  I was not there for her in the end and the quilt is so overbearing for me, because she was always there for me without question.

It seems to bother me the most, when I am going through trying times.  She was my rock.  I could always depend on her.  Now I don't have anyone on this earth to be there for me like she was.  I can only trust in God to be there for me now.  Through a song on the radio this morning, I know God was telling me to lean on him.  The song playing was Lean on Me.  I have friends, but they don't understand like my mother did.

I just wish I could see her just one more time and I just wish I had someone to fix my problems.

My mom could not fix all my problems, but she was there willing to help me in some way.

I miss you Mom and I loved you with all my heart.

Tracy